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The No Contact Rule After a Breakup: Why It Matters and What To Do

Author: Matthew HusseyTime: 2024-01-04 00:50:01

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What is the No Contact Rule? Core SEO Keywords Here

The no contact rule after a breakup is a guiding principle designed to create space between you and your ex for a period of time. Often suggested as 21 days, it's not necessarily a strict rule but rather a commitment to limit contact so that both people can process the breakup, grieve the loss of the relationship, and start to move forward.

Going no contact can be extremely difficult, especially when you still care deeply about your ex and desperately want them back. However, it is important for several key reasons:

Why 21 Days of No Contact?

21 days is thought to be enough time to start working through the initial intense feelings of grief, anger, confusion and fear that arise after a split. It's a chance to begin taking steps toward emotional healing rather than staying stuck in reactive mode. 21 days also allows things to calm down if the breakup was full of drama or fighting. It's an opportunity for hot heads to cool off and gain some perspective.

Benefits of Going No Contact

No contact after a breakup can:

  • Help you avoid saying or doing things in the heat of the moment that you'll later regret
  • Give you space to grieve the loss and start healing
  • Allow you to gain perspective that may have been clouded before
  • Help your ex feel the impact of losing you and the relationship
  • Introduce some mystery and raise the stakes
  • Let you build confidence focusing on yourself

What to Do When Your Ex Reaches Out During No Contact

It can be extremely tempting to respond if your ex texts or calls during no contact. Hearing from them feels like hope that you could rekindle things. However, in most cases exes reach out for selfish reasons, like easing guilt or sadness over the breakup.

While responding provides short-term comfort, it often backfires long-term by removing consequences and giving your ex a sense of "safety" that keeps them stalled. Maintaining boundaries is key.

If your ex reaches out without explicitly stating they made a mistake or want to get back together, avoid responding. Simply let them know you need space to heal and unless they've reconsidered the breakup, further contact is inappropriate.

Maintaining Standards and Self-Love During No Contact

The no contact period takes an immense amount of inner strength because you have to uphold standards when your emotions are screaming to violate them to keep your ex close. It's an act of self-love.

Seeing neediness and desperation often backfires. Instead, show that while the breakup devastates you, you respect their decision and will take steps to move forward independently. This can raise your value and make them question their choice.

No Contact Isn't Always Literal - It's About Setting Boundaries

Rather than being a strict rule where you literally never speak, the essence of no contact is creating necessary space and enforcing appropriate boundaries after a split.

You may send a respectful goodbye message confirming the breakup decision. And if an ex continues reaching out during no contact, you can respond once reinforcing that no further contact is acceptable unless they've reconsidered the breakup.

Further Resources for Healing After a Breakup

For anyone going through the pain of a breakup, I've created a free video guide with tips on how to move forward in a healthy way, whether you ultimately get back together or not. Visit MoveOnStrong.com to access the video and additional resources.


Q: What is the no contact rule after a breakup?
A: The no contact rule is having 21 days of space and no communication with an ex after a breakup, to allow for healing and prevent saying/doing things you'll regret.

Q: Why is no contact important after a breakup?
A: No contact gives space to begin healing, avoids impulsive behavior, maintains an air of mystery, and makes your ex feel the impact of losing you.

Q: What if my ex reaches out during no contact?
A: Politely reinforce your need for space and that contact is only appropriate if they want to rekindle the relationship.

Q: How do I stay strong during the no contact period?
A: Uphold your standards and self-love even when it's difficult - this builds character and is ultimately compelling.

Q: Is no contact meant to be literal?
A: Not always - the essence of no contact is setting boundaries and making clear that change is needed for further contact.